Week 28-Peter Pindar (Old Mcguffy Reader)

(this pic is of Shane being a ninja) LOL
Original Paragraph:

Peter Pindar was a great storyteller. This is known to all children who have read his books. One day as he was going by the school, the children came around him and they all wished him to tell them a new story.

Now I am going to re-write this with richer detail:
Peter Pindar was an awesome storyteller. This is known to all people under the age of 10 who have read his books. One day as he was going by the school, the childrem came around him and they all wished him to tell them a new story.

Week 28-The Beach (Old Mcguffy Reader)

Original Paragraph:

One fine summer morning they went, as they often did, to the beach to view the sun rise upon the water. This is always a grand sight, but this morning they thought the sun seemed to shine with more splendor than it had done for the past week.

Now I am going to re-write this paragraph with richer detail:

One bright, hot summer morning, Tom and Jerry went, as they often did, to the sandy beach down Dreary lane to observe the great big ball of fire called the sun rise upon the glittering water. This is always a wonderful sight, but this morning Tom and Jerry thought the sun seemed to shine with more splendor than it had done for the past week.

Week 28-Elvis By the Presleys

Original Paragraph:

Elvis By The Presleys is the most revealing and poignant video portrait we will ever see of the artist as a husband, father and friend. As never before, Priscilla Presley and Lisa Marie Presley, along with members of Elvis' family and extended family, freely share their own stories, emotions, and intimate memories on camera, and they allow us to enjoy home-movie footage of Elvis never before shared with his fans.

Now I am going to do an evaluation of this paragraph:

This paragraph is pretty good, and it explains what is in the movie very well. I think that this paragraph is a very nice one.

Week 28- Kids in the Kitchen

Original Paragraph:

Although he may not be able to cross the street alone, 4-year-old Jack Stuart is starting out on the right foot in the kitchen. The budding chef from Wauwatosa, Wisconsin became fascinated with cooking at age 2. When he recieved a play kitchen and could pretend to cook for his family, his interest increased.

Now I am going to do an evaluation of this paragraph:

This paragraph basically tells how an over-achieved little boy likes to cook.

Week 27-Kindergarten

Original Paragraph:

For many children and parents, the beginning of kindergarten is a time of great expectations and great hopes-and a little anxiety. Even families in which children have attended day care or preschool percieve kindergarten as the beginning of something different-as the big first step on a path that, if navigated successfully, can lead to a lifetime of learning.

Now I am going to do an imitation of this paragraph:

For many high schoolers, college is their plan and the next big step in their life. They expect it to be very differnt and it most likely will be. Even kids who have attended college prep schools expect it to be different. All they can do now is prepare and hope for the best.

Week 27-Game Advertisement

Original Paragraph:

Join Flo as she returns from Nirvana to help four fellow restaurant owners defeat the greedt tycoon, Mr. Big. You can seat customers, take orders, serve drinks, deliver food, and collect tips. Expert scores earn you more decor upgrades for your restaurant. There are new quirky characters, challenges, and powerups in this version. A surprise restaurant awaits you in this sequel to the original smach hit.

Now I am going to do an evaluation of this paragraph:

This paragraph makes me want to play this game alot! But I think that the weak thing about this paragraph is that no one knows what Nirvana is. But, otherwise, this paragraph is very inviting.

Week 27-Weaving

Original Paragraph:

A long time ago, the craft of weaving began with the dawn of civilization. The hand loom. or frame upon which cloth is woven, was one of the man's earliest tools. Four thousand years ago, when Egypt became and fabulous and cultured nation, beautiful cloth was already common.

Now I am going to do an evaluation of this paragraph:

This is a very short paragraph, but it is also very informative. It has some dates and history in it also. This is a very nice paragraph.

Week 27-Sayings

Original Paragraph:

Every culture has phrases and proverbs that make no sense when carried over literally into another culture. For many children, this section may not be needed; they will have picked up these sayings by hearing them at home and among their friends. But the category of sayings in the core knowledge sequence has been the one most singled out for gratitude by teachers who work with children from home cultures that are different from the standard culture of American English.

Now I am going to do an evaluation of this paragraph:

This is a very well written paragraph and it promotes the core knowledge series well. But I think that it uses the word culture too much. This paragraph explains what some children need and how to teach it. Some children have problems trying to understand certain syaings, as the paragraph says. Over all, this is a very nice paragraph.

Week 26-Reading Aloud

Original Paragraph:

A wonderful way for a child to learn is to interact with someone who is reading aloud. Active, engaged learning is remembered better than passive learning. Many adults, when reading aloud, instinctively draw children into the story by asking them questions that help children to learn for themselves and to connect the marrative with their own experience. All subject matters are appropriate fo this interactive mode of reading aloud to children. Take for example the following passage form the section on "Physical Sciences":

Now I am going to do an evaluation of this paragraph:

I think thier idea about children being pulled into the story is very true, but also I think that some listeners, like myself, create a mental picture in our heads of what the story is telling, even if we are being read to, or are reading to ourselves. I, personally, don't really like it when adults try to ask questions about the material and get the listener to understand the reading. I justlike to listen.

Week 26-Fine Arts

Original paragraph:

A child needs to observe and make art in order to understand and appreciate the arts. A book alone cannot adequately convey the experience of music or the impact of visual art. This book can hope to provide basic knowledge about art, but parents, teachers, and children themselves must play the main role. Nothing can replace visiting galleries, attending performances, listening to recordings, and encouraging children to sing, paint, sculpt, and playact for themselves.

Now I am going to do an imitation of this paragraph:

A highschooler needs to observe and apply their own abilities to writing. Eventually, even those that don't really like to write will like it once they put their own talents or "flavor" into their work. But before they can do this, they must know how to put together sentences, paragraphs, and essays, otherwise, they will get frustrated while trying to put their own reflections onto paper. In conclusion, parents/teachers need to encourage their highschooler to read other people's works and try to do their own as much as possible.

Week 26-Drama

Original Paragraph:

You remember that drama is play-acting. When you play with dolls, you are doing drama. When you talk to them or pretend that one of them is your friend, and give them words to say, that is drama. When you play cops and robbers, you are also acting out drama. When you you pretend that you are the cop who catches the robber in a bank, you are performing a kind of play. Television and movie plays are drama. Years ago, for our ancestors, drama played out on the stage with live actors was as common as television and movies are for us today.

Now I am going to do an Evaluation of this paragraph:

This is a paragraph out of a learning book for 2nd graders, so I can see why it's so explanatory. But still, I think it has too many examples of "drama." It's like they are trying to find something to write about to fill up the page. I like the part where it talk about our ancestors and how their plays were, but they talk about TV and movies twice and that gets boring.

Week 26-Education

Original Paragraph:

In grade two, children should learn to identify and talk about nouns, verbs, prefixes, suffixes, antonyms, and synonyms, and abbreviations. Experts say that out children already know more about the grammar of language than we can ever teach them. But written language does have special characteristics that need to be talked about with children, They need to learn the special conventions of written language.

Now I am going to write an Imitation of this paragraph:

In grade nine, teenagers need to be able to recognize nice vocabulary, sentences, paragaphs, then finally, essays! Once a ninth grader has a developed vocabulary, is good at putting sentences into paragraphs, it is time to learn how to write an essay. An essay is actually very simple once you learn how they are set up and how they work together. As long as you have a topic, and three points to go along with it, you are set! Ninth graders definately need to know how to write essays by now.

Week 25-Telephone Card

Original Paragraph:

Using a telephone calling card only requires a few simple steps. Once the calling card is procured, it is time to begin the call. Printed on the back of the card will be an 800 number which the caller must first dial. When the automated service answers, simple step-by-step instructions begin to play. The caller is asked to choose instructions in a desired language. If one wants to recieve directions in English or Spanish, a specified key on the phone must be pressed. Step three involves entering an identification number. The caller locates it on the back of the calling card. Fourth, the dialer must indicate whether the call will be national or international. Again, pressing the number option listed in the recorded commands establishes the proper link. Lastly, the caller dials the phone number of the party he intends to contact. By following these simple directions, the connection is made and conversation begins.

Now I am going to do an Imitation of this paragraph:

Changing the wallpaper on your computer screen is very easy. First, you get on the internet and go to google.com. Then, you type in a thing you want a picture of on your screen. Next, after you've found it, right-click on the picture and got down to the "set as background" option, click on it and it should come up on your screen. You can also use one of your pictures that you took. First, right click on your screen, click on "properties" and when that pops up, click browse and go to the picture you want the click open and click save, and you're done. Changing one's wallpaper is very easy.

Week 25-Gooey Putty

Original Paragraph:

For Ashley and Olivia, creating gooey putty, for play, is an easy process. First, Ashley gathers the needed ingredients: 1 cup of white glue and 1 cup of liquid starch. She also retrieves a two-quart bowl in which to mix the putty. Olivia finds two aprons to protect their clothing and a spatula for mixing. Into the bowl, Olivia pours the white glue. Ashley begins to slowly add the liquid starch while Olivia stirs the mixture. Ashley stops pouring when the concoction becomes the consistency of putty. The girls soon begin to knead the putty with their hands to ensure a complete mixture. If the putty becomes too sticky, the add a little cornstarch. If it is not elastic enough, they add more glue. With the putty done, it is tme for the play to begin. The girls spend the next half-hour squeezing the putty through their fingers and playing with the gooey mixture. Being such a simple process, they often create great enjoyment for themselves.

Now I am going to do an Imitation of this paragraph:

For Megan and Katie, making pizza is a very easy task. First, get some dough and roll it out into the shape of a pizza (how big you want it, etc...). Then open a can of pizza sauce and slather it all over it (except on the back of course). Next put a layer of your choice of meat on the pizza. After that, put a thick layer of cheese on top of the meat. Then, for the finishing touch, put some olives on it, or any type of garnish you would like. Now you have your pizza!! Just put it in the oven, cook, and enjoy!!

Week 25-Obedience

Original paragraph:

Obedience is very important. The dictionary says that obedience means doing what one is told (World Book). In almost every job, a level of obedience is required. In the home, children need to obey their parents. Many books tell of bad consequences for those who don't obey. For example, almost everyone had heard of the need to obey the Ten Commandments. These rules help us all treat one abother better. If we don't obey them, bad things can happen to us, like: being grounded, being punished, other people being mad at us, being put in jail, and worse. Clearly, obedience is very important in order to avoid bad things.

Now I am going to do an Imitation of this paragraph:

Dependability is very important. The definition of dependability, in my words, is being there wen someone needs you and staying there. People need to be dependable so that people can trust them with a specific job. If you aren't dependable, your parents won't trust you, and people at your work won't get you any jobs to do. People need to be dependable in order to go on good in life.

Week 25-Descriptive

Original Paragraph:

The scenery snowboarding down Mount Hood is spectacular. On both sides of the downhill slope are lush, green, snow-covered, pine trees. When the wind blows, the trees sway back and forth, making a light swishing sound. The snow, which glistens in the sunlight like glitter, is soft, clean, and white. Because if the temperature and snow, the air is invigoratingly damp and chilly. When snowboarding down the mountain, the chilly wind beating against one's face gives a considerable chill. One also hears a slight, crackling noise from the snowboard gliding over the snow. The scenic, winter landscape on Mount Hood draws many to experience it.

Now I am going to do an imitation of this paragraph:

Playing the piano is a very beautiful feeling. When your fingers touch the keys of a piano you feel like you are floating on air. When I play the piano I feel like i'm in an empty white room where there is only the sound of my fingers. It gives you the feeling that you can do anything. Especially when you play a really hard song with ease. Piano playing is a wonderful experience that everyone should enjoy.