Original Paragraph:
One summer day, a hungry fox saw a fat hen, sitting on a box lid. The fox saw the boy. "Ah" said he, "I can not get a dinner today. If I am not so off, the boy may get me." So, away ran the fox. The sly fox said, "I can get a dinner now," but not so. A big boy saw mister Fox, as he was trying to get the hen, and ran for his gun.
Now I am going to re-write this paragraph more descriptively:
One summer day, which was very hot, a hungry fox, who was very sly, saw a fat hen, sitting on a box lid. The red fox saw the boy. "Ah" said he, "I can not get a dinner today. If I am not so off, the large boy may get me." So, away ran the fox. The sly fox said, "I can get a yummy dinner now," but not so. A big boy saw mister Fox, as he was trying to get the hen, and sprinted for his 22.
The stuff in red is my absolute, appositive, and participial phrases.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
The Old Man
Original Paragraph:
See the old man. He is weak and poor. Once he was a little boy like you. Once he was strong, and brave. Now he is old, and ill, and poor.
Now I am going to write this paragraph with richer detail:
Walking his dog, the old man was ill. The old man, whose name was Richard, walked slowly. He walked all the way home, not once stopping to catch a breath of the cold air.
Appositive is in red
Participial is in purple
Absolute is in Green
See the old man. He is weak and poor. Once he was a little boy like you. Once he was strong, and brave. Now he is old, and ill, and poor.
Now I am going to write this paragraph with richer detail:
Walking his dog, the old man was ill. The old man, whose name was Richard, walked slowly. He walked all the way home, not once stopping to catch a breath of the cold air.
Appositive is in red
Participial is in purple
Absolute is in Green
Friday, November 7, 2008
Pope St. Gregory VII and Emperor Henry IV
Original Paragraph:
Beginning in 1054, Hildebrand, also known as Gregory VII, undertook a series of diplomatic missions to France and Germany. He was the deciding influence in several papal elections and was responsible for the two most important papal transactions of the time, entrusting the election of popes to the college of cardinals and negotiating an alliance with the Normans.
Now I am going to write an evaluation of this paragraph:
In my opinion this is very boring and dry writing. I know this is meant to inform and not to entertain, but I could still fall asleep reading it. I know it has to be written and we don't always know the details of everything that happened, so it can be challenging to make it interesting. It is kind of like "this is what happened and that's all I have to say about it." But historians have to do what they have to do, so I guess history books will always be the same.
(the words in red are my Apposotive and participial phrases for the week.)
Beginning in 1054, Hildebrand, also known as Gregory VII, undertook a series of diplomatic missions to France and Germany. He was the deciding influence in several papal elections and was responsible for the two most important papal transactions of the time, entrusting the election of popes to the college of cardinals and negotiating an alliance with the Normans.
Now I am going to write an evaluation of this paragraph:
In my opinion this is very boring and dry writing. I know this is meant to inform and not to entertain, but I could still fall asleep reading it. I know it has to be written and we don't always know the details of everything that happened, so it can be challenging to make it interesting. It is kind of like "this is what happened and that's all I have to say about it." But historians have to do what they have to do, so I guess history books will always be the same.
(the words in red are my Apposotive and participial phrases for the week.)
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Descriptive Room/Swimming
Original Paragraph:
If there is one room that I have ever been in that sticks out most in my mind, it is the nursery at our church. When you first walk in, an almost blinding bright pink wall meets your eyes. On the floor there is a gray and pink variegated plush carpet. The ceiling is snow white. On the left is a Xerox copier on an antique dark-wooden table. There is an air duct with pink paneling over it, between the copier and the tan loveseat, on which two regal stuffed dalmations peer out into the room. Directly ahead there is a small picnic table and an open red and gray toy box. Toys are everywhere. Casey Jordan and Sara Childress are both hard at play there. You can hear their laughter and pure, unadulterated joy. - Tim Capps
Now I am going to write my own descriptive paragraph:
My lungs are closing up. I rapidly lose oxygen. I have to come up for a breath. I thrash violently to get to the surface of this green-blue lake. I see rays of sunlight shine through the murky water as I rise to the surface. I finally break water. I throw my head back and heave for breath. Water runs off my hair and face. I am like a fish. I love the water. I love the thrill it gives me when I go under because I can only be there for a few seconds. But, even though they are only a few seconds, I still cherish every moment that I can be under this amazing mass of God's creation with all the fish and creatures. When I am in the water I am happy. I leave the water and descend to the bank and lay on my very warm, dry towel in the hot sun. I fall peacefully asleep until I awake to the blazing sun toasting my skin. I hop up and run to the water. The minute the cold water touches my burning skin I feel refereshed. Water. I could not live without it.
If there is one room that I have ever been in that sticks out most in my mind, it is the nursery at our church. When you first walk in, an almost blinding bright pink wall meets your eyes. On the floor there is a gray and pink variegated plush carpet. The ceiling is snow white. On the left is a Xerox copier on an antique dark-wooden table. There is an air duct with pink paneling over it, between the copier and the tan loveseat, on which two regal stuffed dalmations peer out into the room. Directly ahead there is a small picnic table and an open red and gray toy box. Toys are everywhere. Casey Jordan and Sara Childress are both hard at play there. You can hear their laughter and pure, unadulterated joy. - Tim Capps
Now I am going to write my own descriptive paragraph:
My lungs are closing up. I rapidly lose oxygen. I have to come up for a breath. I thrash violently to get to the surface of this green-blue lake. I see rays of sunlight shine through the murky water as I rise to the surface. I finally break water. I throw my head back and heave for breath. Water runs off my hair and face. I am like a fish. I love the water. I love the thrill it gives me when I go under because I can only be there for a few seconds. But, even though they are only a few seconds, I still cherish every moment that I can be under this amazing mass of God's creation with all the fish and creatures. When I am in the water I am happy. I leave the water and descend to the bank and lay on my very warm, dry towel in the hot sun. I fall peacefully asleep until I awake to the blazing sun toasting my skin. I hop up and run to the water. The minute the cold water touches my burning skin I feel refereshed. Water. I could not live without it.
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