From Mrs. Sigourney:

I have seen an infant with a fair brow, and a frame like polished ivory. Its limbs were pliant in its sports. It rejoiced, and again it wept, but whether its glowing cheek dimpled with smiles, or its blue eye was brilliant with tears, still I said to my heart, "It is beautiful." It was like the first pure blossom, which some cherished plant had shot forth, whose cup is filled with a dewdrop, and whose head reclines upon its parent stem.

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In this paragraph, the writer is trying to evoke emotions in her readers about small children and what a blessing they are. In a way, she accomplished her goal with me. While reading this, it aroused emotions in me, thinking of my little sister Holly. Even when she is being a brat, she is perpetually cute. With her curly blonde hair and blue eyes, she is adorable. She is very fun to play with, especially when she gets shy around people she doesn't know very well. Holly and I have a blast dancing to music in my room. :)

Mary J. Blige

Original Paragraph:
There is always a moment on every Mary J. Blige album that speaks to you more than any other. On her ninth studio disc, that moment comes on the very last track, "I Can See in Color," a ballad painted in deep shades of blues, gospel and old-school soul. Written for the gritty drama Precious, it's powerful, from-the-gut stuff. Although the rest of this CD doesn't pack quite the same emotional wallop, it is another strong effort form the R&B diva whose pain has always been as plain as the tear-shaped scar under her left eye. She balances contemporary sounds with classic ones, getting down with rappers Drake and T.I. on "The One" and "Good Love," respectively,, and then conjuring up vintage Aretha on "In the Morning" and the cooking "Kitchen."

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Compared to the review on Corinne Bailey Rae last week, this one is much more understandable. It uses language that everyday people can understand, and don't have to have a dictionary close by to verify. The only two things I wasn't impressed with was that the first sentence assumes everyone knows Mary J. Blige's music and her special "moments." Frankly, I don't think I've ever heard her music, so I'm not exactly sure what the author's talking about here. Also, he uses the word "stuff" and to me it sounds like he was in a hurry and couldn't figure out what to write so he just stuck that filler word in there. Completely defeats the purpose. Although this paragraph had its issues, I was overall a interesting read.

Original Paragraph:

Sometimes great beauty can come out of tragedy. Such is the case with Corinne Bailey Rae's second studio album, her first since the March 2008 death of her husband, saxophonist Jason Rae, from an accidental overdose. Channeling her grief into these deep waters, heartbreaking set that's almost painfully exquisite. From plaintive strums of the soul-bearing opener "Are You Here" to the "goodbye paradise" refrain of the title-track farewell, there is an elegiac elegance underscored by the fragile ache in Bailey Rae's voice. All is not somber, though: She breaks into a '60's shimmy on tracks like the funky, psychedelic--tinged "The Blackest Lily." But the disc reaches its cathartic peak with back-to-back ballads: "Love's on Its Way" and, ever so aptly titled, "I Would Like to Call It Beauty."

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This article is chalk full of utterly unnecessary words. Who in the world knows what "elegiac elegance" means? I don't. I may be a little stuck on simple, but I think that you either say what you mean and mean what you say, or don't say anything at all. All these extra words like "cathartic" and "plaintive" are unnecessary I think, they're just fillers to make his/her article sound professional and longer. This article could only fairly be read by a musical producer who understands that type of language. These types of writings are pretty well useless to normal people like me.