Original Paragraph:
Not all that Mrs. Bennet, however, with the assistance of her five daughters, could ask on the subject was sufficient to draw from her husband any satisfactory description of Mr. Bingley. They attacked him in various ways; with barefaced questions, ingenious suppositions, and distant surmises; but he eluded the skill of them all; and they were at last obliged to accept the second-hand intelligence of their neighbor Lady Lucas. Her report was highly favourable. Sir William had been delighted with him. He was quite young, wonderfully handsome, extremely agreeable, and to crown the whole, he meant to be at the next assembly with a large party. Nothing could be more delightful! To be fond of dancing was a certain step towards falling in love; and very lively hopes of Mr. Bingley's heart were entertained.
Now I will re-write a couple sentences:
Adverbial Clause:
Since her report was highly favourable, Sir William had been delighted with him.
Adjectival Clause:
Nothing that he could think of could be more delightful!
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Now I will re-write this paragraph in more understandable language:
When Mr. Bennet got home, even with the help of her daughters, Mrs. Bennet could not for the life of her get the description of Mr. Bingley she wanted out of him. They questioned him down to the pulp, but eventually settled for their neighbor Lady Lucas' rendition. What she had to say was all very agreeable. Sir William was also greatly impressed with him. He was young, handsome, and had a great personality; to top it all off he was to be attending the next big party in those parts. Nothing could be more exciting! To like to dance increased the chance at love, and to be sure, there were to be many candidates for Mr. Bingley's heart that night.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Fossils
Original Paragraph:
Half a billion years ago there was no life on land and only worms, snails, sponges, and primitive crabs in the seas. When these creatures died, their bodies sank into silt and mud and were slowly covered. Over millions of years, the sea bottom hardened into rock and the minerals of the bones were replaced, molecule by molecule, with rock-forming minerals such as iron and silica.
Eventually, this process turns the bones into rock--and they become known as fossils, a slowly created cast of an animal that died hundreds of millions of years ago. Other fossils are formed when dying animals fall into peat bogs or are covered in sand. As each new sedimentary layer takes millions of years to form, we can judge the age of the fossils from their depth. You can travel in time, in fact, if you have a spade.
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Fossils are very amazing things. It is unreal to know that you can see a person in real life that lived hundreds of years before you, or an animal or plant. People have learned over the years that you can determine the age of trees and rocks and animals that lived a very long time ago just by looking at their fossil. There are many different methods used to decide how old a fossil is and it is a very controversial subject. The fact is that there are fossils and there is proof that things lived a very long time ago, such as dinosaurs, etc. My family and I are going to visit the Grand Canyon over spring break and I know it will be fascinating. The many layers of dirt, rocks, sediment, etc. are full of fossils, I'm sure. I'm looking forward to checking it all out.
Half a billion years ago there was no life on land and only worms, snails, sponges, and primitive crabs in the seas. When these creatures died, their bodies sank into silt and mud and were slowly covered. Over millions of years, the sea bottom hardened into rock and the minerals of the bones were replaced, molecule by molecule, with rock-forming minerals such as iron and silica.
Eventually, this process turns the bones into rock--and they become known as fossils, a slowly created cast of an animal that died hundreds of millions of years ago. Other fossils are formed when dying animals fall into peat bogs or are covered in sand. As each new sedimentary layer takes millions of years to form, we can judge the age of the fossils from their depth. You can travel in time, in fact, if you have a spade.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fossils are very amazing things. It is unreal to know that you can see a person in real life that lived hundreds of years before you, or an animal or plant. People have learned over the years that you can determine the age of trees and rocks and animals that lived a very long time ago just by looking at their fossil. There are many different methods used to decide how old a fossil is and it is a very controversial subject. The fact is that there are fossils and there is proof that things lived a very long time ago, such as dinosaurs, etc. My family and I are going to visit the Grand Canyon over spring break and I know it will be fascinating. The many layers of dirt, rocks, sediment, etc. are full of fossils, I'm sure. I'm looking forward to checking it all out.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Love, Stargirl: Jerry Spinelli
Original Paragraph:
Then they show the movie. The Blob is this alien, dark red glob of goo that lands on earth and terrorizes a small town. It sounds to me--remember, I haven't seen it yet--like the Stomach from Outer Space. It just sort of slimes from place to place and oozes onto people until the people are inside of it and it's digesting them. I'm told it's actually more funny than disgusting because the special effects in 1958 were not very convincing. But don't tell that to the little kids in the audience, who are screaming away. And because of what's coming, the grown-ups talk themselves into being scared too. Everybody wants to be in the right mood, because what the Blobfest is, more than anything else, is a reenactment.
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I'm going to re-write this Paragraph:
Then they show the movie. The Blob is this alien thing that comes and oozes onto Earth and terrorizes a town. It sounds to me--remember, I haven't seen it yet--like the Stomach from Outer Space. It just sort of slimes from place to place and oozes onto people until the people are inside it and it's digesting them. I'm told it's actually more funny than disgusting because the special effects in 1958 were not convincing at all. But don't tell that to the kids in the audience, who are screaming. And because of what's coming, the grown-ups talk themselves into being scared too. Everybody want to be in the mood, because what the Blobfest is, more than anything else, is a reenactment
Then they show the movie. The Blob is this alien, dark red glob of goo that lands on earth and terrorizes a small town. It sounds to me--remember, I haven't seen it yet--like the Stomach from Outer Space. It just sort of slimes from place to place and oozes onto people until the people are inside of it and it's digesting them. I'm told it's actually more funny than disgusting because the special effects in 1958 were not very convincing. But don't tell that to the little kids in the audience, who are screaming away. And because of what's coming, the grown-ups talk themselves into being scared too. Everybody wants to be in the right mood, because what the Blobfest is, more than anything else, is a reenactment.
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I'm going to re-write this Paragraph:
Then they show the movie. The Blob is this alien thing that comes and oozes onto Earth and terrorizes a town. It sounds to me--remember, I haven't seen it yet--like the Stomach from Outer Space. It just sort of slimes from place to place and oozes onto people until the people are inside it and it's digesting them. I'm told it's actually more funny than disgusting because the special effects in 1958 were not convincing at all. But don't tell that to the kids in the audience, who are screaming. And because of what's coming, the grown-ups talk themselves into being scared too. Everybody want to be in the mood, because what the Blobfest is, more than anything else, is a reenactment
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