Original Paragraph:
I now really saw Ian's room for the first time, with the noon sun filtering down through the narrow cracks in the ceiling. It wasn't as bright as Jamie and Jared's room, or as tall. It was smaller, more proportionate. Roundish-sort of like my hole, only ten times the size. There were two twin mattresses on the floor, shoved against opposite walls to make a narrow/scarce aisle between them. Against the back wall, there was a long, low wooden cupboard; the left side had a pile of clothes on top, two books, and a stack of playing cards. The right side was completely empty, though there were shapes in the dust that indicated this was a recent occurrence.
Ian set me carefully/tediously down on the right mattress, arranging my legs and straightening the pillow under my head. Jared stood in the doorway, facing the passageway.
"That okay?" Ian asked me.
"Yes."
"You look tired."
"I shouldn't be-I've done nothing but sleep lately."
"Your body needs sleep to heal."
I nodded. I couldn't deny/dispute that it was hard to hold up my eyelids.
(the words in red are my additions)
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I like this paragraph because it explains the surroundings, but also shows how carefully Ian is with her. He cares so much about her yet she doesn't know. Later in the story, they fall in love. I really love this book even though it has some interesting and sometimes confusing ideas.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
The Host, Stephenie Meyer
Original Paragraph:
Melanie had learned many things the few times I'd ceded or lost my command to her, and I truly had to struggle against her- so hard that fresh sweat beaded on my brow. But I was not dying in the desert now. Nor was I weak and dizzy and taken off guard by the appearance of someone I'd given up for lost; I'd known this moment might come. My bosy was resilient, quick to heal-I was strong again. The strength of my body gave stremgth to my control, to my determination.
I drove her from my limbs, chased her from every hold she'd found, thrust her back into the recesses of my mind, and chained her there.
Her surrender was sudden and total. Aaah, she sighed, and it was almost a moan of pain.
I felt strangely guilty as soon as I'd won.
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We were all loaded up, our arms about ready to fall off. I struggled trying to find my keys. I found them and hurried to open the house door before we all froze. The door creaked open and we heard a bubbling water sound; it was coming from the ceiling. We opened the door and we all gasped with horror. While we had been at school all day, one of the pipes in the attic froze and busted and the aftermath was coming through the kitchen ceiling. I had always thought that those kind of things would never happen to us, that those things only happened to people who didn't have enough money to make a sturdy house. I was wrong. My mom screeched and immediately we all grabbed every towel we owned and cleaned up the mess. In a panic, I called Dad and told him "water is everywhere, you better come home quick." He said "okay, I'm on my way." We grabbed a bucked and stuck it under the waterfall of water and waited till Dad got home. The minute he got home, he jumped out of his car and crawled under the house. He turned the water off and went to fixing the pipe. Meanwhile, we had to poke a bubble of water that was just being held up by a layer of paint. It gushed out and the ceiling was left in a mess. About an hour later, Dad, the hero/genius in our house, got it fixed and we all hung out in the living room the rest of the night. This was an interesting experience for me but at least it got fixed.
Melanie had learned many things the few times I'd ceded or lost my command to her, and I truly had to struggle against her- so hard that fresh sweat beaded on my brow. But I was not dying in the desert now. Nor was I weak and dizzy and taken off guard by the appearance of someone I'd given up for lost; I'd known this moment might come. My bosy was resilient, quick to heal-I was strong again. The strength of my body gave stremgth to my control, to my determination.
I drove her from my limbs, chased her from every hold she'd found, thrust her back into the recesses of my mind, and chained her there.
Her surrender was sudden and total. Aaah, she sighed, and it was almost a moan of pain.
I felt strangely guilty as soon as I'd won.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We were all loaded up, our arms about ready to fall off. I struggled trying to find my keys. I found them and hurried to open the house door before we all froze. The door creaked open and we heard a bubbling water sound; it was coming from the ceiling. We opened the door and we all gasped with horror. While we had been at school all day, one of the pipes in the attic froze and busted and the aftermath was coming through the kitchen ceiling. I had always thought that those kind of things would never happen to us, that those things only happened to people who didn't have enough money to make a sturdy house. I was wrong. My mom screeched and immediately we all grabbed every towel we owned and cleaned up the mess. In a panic, I called Dad and told him "water is everywhere, you better come home quick." He said "okay, I'm on my way." We grabbed a bucked and stuck it under the waterfall of water and waited till Dad got home. The minute he got home, he jumped out of his car and crawled under the house. He turned the water off and went to fixing the pipe. Meanwhile, we had to poke a bubble of water that was just being held up by a layer of paint. It gushed out and the ceiling was left in a mess. About an hour later, Dad, the hero/genius in our house, got it fixed and we all hung out in the living room the rest of the night. This was an interesting experience for me but at least it got fixed.
Friday, December 4, 2009
The Host, Stephenie Meyer
Original Paragraph:
He did not walk directly across the cavern, instead keeping close to the curve of the wall. I wondered at his path until I noticed a large swuare of darker ground that took up the center of the floor- a very large space. No on stood on this darker ground. i was too frightened to do more than notice the anomaly; I didn't even guess at a reason.
There were small movements as we circled the silent room. The bending woman straightened, twisting at the waist to watch us go. The gesturing man folded his arms across his chest. All eyes narrowed, and all faces tightened into expressions of rage. However, no one moved toward us,and no one spoke. Whatever Kyle and the others had told these people about their confrontation with Jeb, it seemed to have had the effect Jeb was hoping for.
As we passed through the grove of human statues, I recognized Sharon and Maggie eyeing us from the wide mouth of one opening. Their expressions were blank, their eyes cold. They did not look at me, only Jeb. He ignored them.
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Hmmm....so verbs and adverbs.... Of course like anything written, there are many verbs. One thing interesting was that there weren't too many adverbs though... Some of the colorful verbs that stood out to me were the ones like "faces tightened," "twisting at the waist," and so forth. This writer gives a clear picture of what is happening when Melanie/Wanderer and Jeb are walking through a crowd of ravaging humans to get to the bathroom in the caves. I chose this passage because it, in itself, is very strange and interesting to read, because nothing like this would ever happen in real life. The whole book, well the part I've read so far, is full of surprises, it is in no way predictable, not your average Cinderella story. This author is very interesting and I love her books.
He did not walk directly across the cavern, instead keeping close to the curve of the wall. I wondered at his path until I noticed a large swuare of darker ground that took up the center of the floor- a very large space. No on stood on this darker ground. i was too frightened to do more than notice the anomaly; I didn't even guess at a reason.
There were small movements as we circled the silent room. The bending woman straightened, twisting at the waist to watch us go. The gesturing man folded his arms across his chest. All eyes narrowed, and all faces tightened into expressions of rage. However, no one moved toward us,and no one spoke. Whatever Kyle and the others had told these people about their confrontation with Jeb, it seemed to have had the effect Jeb was hoping for.
As we passed through the grove of human statues, I recognized Sharon and Maggie eyeing us from the wide mouth of one opening. Their expressions were blank, their eyes cold. They did not look at me, only Jeb. He ignored them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hmmm....so verbs and adverbs.... Of course like anything written, there are many verbs. One thing interesting was that there weren't too many adverbs though... Some of the colorful verbs that stood out to me were the ones like "faces tightened," "twisting at the waist," and so forth. This writer gives a clear picture of what is happening when Melanie/Wanderer and Jeb are walking through a crowd of ravaging humans to get to the bathroom in the caves. I chose this passage because it, in itself, is very strange and interesting to read, because nothing like this would ever happen in real life. The whole book, well the part I've read so far, is full of surprises, it is in no way predictable, not your average Cinderella story. This author is very interesting and I love her books.
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