Thursday, November 19, 2009

Piano Descriptive

Original Paragraph:
Anger flashed through me, hot and wild. I gasped in surprise at the unexpected reaction. I'd heard of the emotional instability of these human bodies, but this was beyond my ability to anticipate. In eight full lives, I'd never had an emotion touch me with such force.
I felt the blood pulse through my neck, pounding behind my ears. My hands tightened into fists.
The machines beside me reported the acceleration of my heartbeats. There was a reaction in the room: the sharp tap of the Seeker's shoes approached me, mingled with a quieter shuffle that must have been the Healer.
"Welcome to Earth, Wanderer," the female voice said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blinding lights. That is all I see. BAM. I am in front of just about the whole world (or so it seems). Up on this platform; I don't remember signing up for this. I have a ball of regret in my stomach tying yours truly up in knots. My hands are shaking like the dead leaves that have fallen off the maple trees in Autumn. I lightly place my hands on the keys. Oh what was the beginning note again? My hands sweating violently, they slip off the key and hit the wrong note. It seemed like that impurity resounded for centuries. I clear my throat to get back on track and think: get over yourself, it's just a concert, you and your piano in Central Park. My heart is beating violently as I start into my masterpiece. This is the first time I've performed my own creation for an audience. The adrenaline hits and I go wild. This is possibly the best I've ever played my piece. The end is in sight...I finally let my breath out...I smile and thank that undeniable force that made me do it.

1 comment:

Magistra Z. said...

Nice, intense description, Katie. Good use of simile and metaphor, too, and good variety in sentence form. I also noticed that your tenses were consistent all the way through -- student writers often miss that when they are trying to write a vivid historical present. Thanks for sharing it!