Volley Ball Descriptive

Original Paragraph:

If I'd ever feared death before in his presence, it was nothing campared to how I felt now. He streaked through the dark, thick underbrush of the forest like a bullet, like a ghost. There was no sound, no evidence that his feet touched the earth. His breathing never changed, never indicated any effort. But the trees flew by at deadly speeds, always missing us by inches. I was too terrified to close my eyes, though the cool forest air whipped against my face and burned them. I felt as if I were stupidly sticking my head out the window of an airplane flight. And, for the first time in my life, I felt the dizzy faintness of motion sickness.

Now I am going to write an imitation of this paragraph:

SSsssss.....BOOM! That is the sound of the spectators as I send the ball over in a floating serve. The sound of the fans give me energy as I play with all my heart and soul. College volleyball is very challenging and intimidating at times. bam! that is my teammate passing the ball high into the air. Whoosh....that is the sound of the setter taking her job well. Now it is my turn. The ball seems to linger in the air for a few seconds as I wonder what to do. I snap back into reality and jump into the air and slam the ball down on the Ducks' side as hard as I possibly can. BAM! ACE! We win the first match 25,13! Now just comes the suspense of us, the beavers, finally winning the Civil War game!