First Blog Entry Comparison

Original Paragraph:
Campeador pricked up his ears and put action into his trot. They swept down into the tree line again, wound back and forth, crossed a brook, and at last came out upon the strip of meadow at which Pedro had been looking a few minutes earlier. Here Campeador, with his mind on refreshment at the tavern, broke into a gallop, which his rider did nothing to restrain.

'Rio Verde, Rio Verde [Pedro sang],
Dark with crimson blood thou flowest...'

But halfway along, the horse, shying to the left, cut the ballad short.
'Devil take you!' cursed Pedro, a little off balance. At the same time, glancing back, he drew up with a jerk. Campeador had shied at a peasant girl's black and red dress lying in the deep grass. A couple of yards farther off appeared the body of a dead hunting dog. It had been newly killed by a gaping knife cut across the throat.


Now I will continue this story:
(First Attempt)
Pedro urged the shaken horse on and they soon came upon a trail of blood that lead to an old, beaten down shack. Pedro tied Campeador to a tree and slid smoothly off his back. Pedro crawled through the grass toward the house and heard a loud cry for help. He stood up and ran toward the house at full speed because he recognized it as a woman's voice. He burst through the door and saw a woman and about 7 men sitting by the fire laughing at him. At first he was very confused, but then he recognized them as his friends from back home. They had played a very mean trick on him.

(Second Attempt)
Pedro bounded off Campeador, and quickly tied him to a tree. He ran over to the dress and let the silky fabric run through his fingers; he recognized it as his lover's dress. His heart started pounding as he realized that his Maria might be somewhere in these wild woods dead. He gently laid the dress across Campeador's back and started searching for his Maria. He put his sweaty hands on either side of his mouth and called and called for her. Pedro felt as though there was no use in looking, but suddenly he heard a rustle in the grass nearby. There she was with an old man's coat on, that she had stolen from her harassers after she had shot them with their own guns. Pedro ran over to her and picked her up off the ground and carried her to Campeador. Maria put both her hands on his unshaven cheeks and kissed him. Pedro was so relieved that he had his lover back alive. His Maria.