First Blog Entry Comparison

Original Paragraph:
Campeador pricked up his ears and put action into his trot. They swept down into the tree line again, wound back and forth, crossed a brook, and at last came out upon the strip of meadow at which Pedro had been looking a few minutes earlier. Here Campeador, with his mind on refreshment at the tavern, broke into a gallop, which his rider did nothing to restrain.

'Rio Verde, Rio Verde [Pedro sang],
Dark with crimson blood thou flowest...'

But halfway along, the horse, shying to the left, cut the ballad short.
'Devil take you!' cursed Pedro, a little off balance. At the same time, glancing back, he drew up with a jerk. Campeador had shied at a peasant girl's black and red dress lying in the deep grass. A couple of yards farther off appeared the body of a dead hunting dog. It had been newly killed by a gaping knife cut across the throat.


Now I will continue this story:
(First Attempt)
Pedro urged the shaken horse on and they soon came upon a trail of blood that lead to an old, beaten down shack. Pedro tied Campeador to a tree and slid smoothly off his back. Pedro crawled through the grass toward the house and heard a loud cry for help. He stood up and ran toward the house at full speed because he recognized it as a woman's voice. He burst through the door and saw a woman and about 7 men sitting by the fire laughing at him. At first he was very confused, but then he recognized them as his friends from back home. They had played a very mean trick on him.

(Second Attempt)
Pedro bounded off Campeador, and quickly tied him to a tree. He ran over to the dress and let the silky fabric run through his fingers; he recognized it as his lover's dress. His heart started pounding as he realized that his Maria might be somewhere in these wild woods dead. He gently laid the dress across Campeador's back and started searching for his Maria. He put his sweaty hands on either side of his mouth and called and called for her. Pedro felt as though there was no use in looking, but suddenly he heard a rustle in the grass nearby. There she was with an old man's coat on, that she had stolen from her harassers after she had shot them with their own guns. Pedro ran over to her and picked her up off the ground and carried her to Campeador. Maria put both her hands on his unshaven cheeks and kissed him. Pedro was so relieved that he had his lover back alive. His Maria.

Kellie Pickler Book Club

Original Paragraph:

Kellie Pickler's tour bus should come with a warning sign. "We brake for bookstores!" says the bubbly country singer. "If we pass one, I tell my driver, 'Let's pull in there.' " Now the avid reader has found a way to get her literary fix at home too. She recently started a club with three close friends: Aimee Mayo, a songwriter, and singers Rachel Reinert of Gloriana and Hilary Williams (Hank Jr.'s daughter). Their meetings are all about "good girlfriends and snacks!" says Reinert. And, of course, a little lively conversation. "We don't just talk about books," says Pickler, "but we always spend time talking about the book." On Dec. 17 the group met at Mayo's Nashville home to dine and discuss The Help (see their review on next page). Pickler and Mayo share a 100-page rule. "If I'm bored by then, I won't finish it," says Mayo. "It's like a song," adds Pickler. "If the chorus sucks, you don't listen to the rest." So far, this club is in perfect harmony. "Everyone gets something different out of a book," says Mayo. "What makes a book club great...you can share your perceptions and get even more out of it than you would if you had read it by yourself."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To me, articles like this are a little too confusing to read because they are over punctuated with too many quotes and parentheses. The writer also starts one of the sentences with "and". This is not a desirable way to start a sentence. The whole paragraph doesn't have much to it, just tells what the girls think about books and what they like to do. Personally, this was sort of a boring article to read. I guess if you were looking for ideas on how to do a book club it might interest you, but otherwise it's not too great.

The Old Man and The Sea, Hemingway

Original Paragraph:
"You ought to go to bed now so that you will be fresh in the morning. I will take the things back to the Terrace."
"Good night then. I will wake you in the morning."
"You're my alarm clock," the boy said.
"Age is my alarm clock," the old man said. "Why do old men wake so early? Is it to have one longer day?"
"I don't know," the boy said. "All I know is that young boys sleep late and hard."
"I can remember it," the old man said. "I'll waken you in time."
"I do not like for him to waken me. It is as though I were inferior."
"I know."
"Sleep well old man."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While reading this I couldn't help but laugh and think of my Grandpa. He is retired and everyone in our family teases him that he can't remember the day of the week because everyday is like Saturday to him. He doesn't want to stay over late at our house because he has to get up early the next morning. The funny thing is that he doesn't really have to get up, but since he got older he gets up at 6 every morning automatically. He gripes about it all the time and we give him a hard time but it's all in fun. My Grandpa is awesome. :)