Pearl Harbor: By Susan Wels

Original Paragraph:
On December 6, the warships arrived at a designated point some 650 miles north of Pearl Harbor. There, the crews were ordered to raise their speed and make their dash due south 420 miles to the launch point for the attack. Crew members received encouraging messages from Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto and the emperor, while on board Vice Admiral Nagumo's flagship Akagi, signal flags were raised, exhorting the fleet that the "fate of the Japanese Empire will depend upon the issue of this battle."

Now I am going to re-write some of these sentences and comment on the content.

Crew members, a group of young lonesome 18-year-olds, ..........etc...

This paragraph was very informative and was put into regular language, unlike the previous. It was very interesting.

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