Original Paragraph:
I didn't see him leap at me-it was much too fast. I only found myself suddenly airborne, and then we crashed onto the sofa, knocking it into the wall. All the while, his arms formed an iron cage of protection around me-I was barely jostled. But I still was gasping as I tried to right myself.
He wasn't having that. He curled me into a ball against his chet, holding me more securely than iron chains. I glared at him in alarm, but he seemed well in control, his jaw relaxed as he grinned, his eyes bright only with humor.
"You were saying?" he growled playfully.
"That you are a very, very terrifying monster," I said, my sarcasm marred a bit by my breathless voice.
"Much better," he approved.
"Um." I struggled. "Can I get up now?"
He just laughed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is one of my very favorite parts of the book Twilight. She hardly ever is afraid of Edward, but for one second she questions if he is really going to hurt her or if he is just playing. She is truly surprised by what happens, but calms down after she realizes he was kidding. I love Edward's nature because he seems like he is being ferocious, but he is actually really sweet. I love this part.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Story of Mankind
Original Paragraph:
The Crusades had been a lesson in the liberal art of travelling. But very few people had ever ventured beyond the well-known beaten track which led from Venice to Jaffe. In the thirteenth century the Polo brothers, merchants of mountains as high as the moon, they had found their way to the court of the great Khan of Cathay, the mighty emperor of China. The son of one of the Polos, by the name of Marco, had written a book about their adventures, which covered a period of more than twenty years.
Now I am going to re-write some of these sentences and comment on the writing.
The son of one of the Polos, by the name of Marco, had written a book about their adventures, covering a period of more than twenty years.
But very few people had ever ventured beyond the well-known beaten track, its path leading from Venice to Jaffe.
I think this piece of history reading was very interesting, and intriguing. The Crusades were very futile, but a good idea.
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The Crusades had been a lesson in the liberal art of travelling. But very few people had ever ventured beyond the well-known beaten track which led from Venice to Jaffe. In the thirteenth century the Polo brothers, merchants of mountains as high as the moon, they had found their way to the court of the great Khan of Cathay, the mighty emperor of China. The son of one of the Polos, by the name of Marco, had written a book about their adventures, which covered a period of more than twenty years.
Now I am going to re-write some of these sentences and comment on the writing.
The son of one of the Polos, by the name of Marco, had written a book about their adventures, covering a period of more than twenty years.
But very few people had ever ventured beyond the well-known beaten track, its path leading from Venice to Jaffe.
I think this piece of history reading was very interesting, and intriguing. The Crusades were very futile, but a good idea.
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Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Pearl Harbor: By Susan Wels
Original Paragraph:
On December 6, the warships arrived at a designated point some 650 miles north of Pearl Harbor. There, the crews were ordered to raise their speed and make their dash due south 420 miles to the launch point for the attack. Crew members received encouraging messages from Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto and the emperor, while on board Vice Admiral Nagumo's flagship Akagi, signal flags were raised, exhorting the fleet that the "fate of the Japanese Empire will depend upon the issue of this battle."
Now I am going to re-write some of these sentences and comment on the content.
Crew members, a group of young lonesome 18-year-olds, ..........etc...
This paragraph was very informative and was put into regular language, unlike the previous. It was very interesting.
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On December 6, the warships arrived at a designated point some 650 miles north of Pearl Harbor. There, the crews were ordered to raise their speed and make their dash due south 420 miles to the launch point for the attack. Crew members received encouraging messages from Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto and the emperor, while on board Vice Admiral Nagumo's flagship Akagi, signal flags were raised, exhorting the fleet that the "fate of the Japanese Empire will depend upon the issue of this battle."
Now I am going to re-write some of these sentences and comment on the content.
Crew members, a group of young lonesome 18-year-olds, ..........etc...
This paragraph was very informative and was put into regular language, unlike the previous. It was very interesting.
Adverbial Clause
Appositive Phrase
A New World: Duncan Clarke
Original Paragraph:
By the early twentieth century a growing number of powerful and wealthy Irish-Americans began to wonder which part of their hyphenated identity was most important, and the distinctive traits of Irish-America were noticeably diverging from those of their homeland. Sentimentality and clannishness remained common to both in popular image, but it was joined by a hardworking, ambitious, and abrasive edge in Irish-Americans which, rightly or wrongly, was not ascribed to the Irish back home.
Now I am going to re-write some of these sentences and comment on the content.
Entering the early twentieth century, a growing number of Irish-Americans, wealthy and powerful people, began to wonder.........etc.
I think who ever wrote this must have had a very high I.Q. It was very dry but very informative. It was interesting.
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By the early twentieth century a growing number of powerful and wealthy Irish-Americans began to wonder which part of their hyphenated identity was most important, and the distinctive traits of Irish-America were noticeably diverging from those of their homeland. Sentimentality and clannishness remained common to both in popular image, but it was joined by a hardworking, ambitious, and abrasive edge in Irish-Americans which, rightly or wrongly, was not ascribed to the Irish back home.
Now I am going to re-write some of these sentences and comment on the content.
Entering the early twentieth century, a growing number of Irish-Americans, wealthy and powerful people, began to wonder.........etc.
I think who ever wrote this must have had a very high I.Q. It was very dry but very informative. It was interesting.
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Participial Phrase
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