Original Paragraph:
It was the middle of winter, and snowflakes were falling like feathers from the sky. A queen sat sewing near a window. The window was framed with a fine black wood called ebony. As the queen sewed, she gazed out the window at the snow. She pricked her finger with the needle, and the drops of blood fell on the snow. And when she saw how bright and red it looked, she said, "Oh, I wish I had a child as white as snow, as red as blood, and as black as the ebony round my window."
~~~~~~
It was the middle of the unwavering winter, and snowflakes were falling like feathers from the sky, enveloping the ground. A queen sat sewing in the state of inertia, near a window. The window was framed with a fine black wood called ebony. As the queen sewed, she gazed out the window at the snow. She pricked her finger with the needle, and the drops of blood fell on the snow. And when she saw how bright and red it looked, she said, "Oh, I wish I had a child as white as snow, as red as blood, and as black as the ebony round my window."
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Original Paragraph:
Telephone talk is really just like any other talk-except that you and the other person can't see each other. You can't use a friendly smile or an interesting face to help you say what you want to say. All you have is your words and your voice to give a message that is clear and friendly.
~~~~~
I very much agree with this paragraph. My sister has a problem where when she answers the phone, she says: "hello, who is this?" My mom keeps telling her she needs to work on it, but who knows. My problem isn't on the phone, it's in real life, like the pargraph says, I don't give a cheery smile.
Telephone talk is really just like any other talk-except that you and the other person can't see each other. You can't use a friendly smile or an interesting face to help you say what you want to say. All you have is your words and your voice to give a message that is clear and friendly.
~~~~~
I very much agree with this paragraph. My sister has a problem where when she answers the phone, she says: "hello, who is this?" My mom keeps telling her she needs to work on it, but who knows. My problem isn't on the phone, it's in real life, like the pargraph says, I don't give a cheery smile.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Elevated Character of Woman -Carter
Original Paragraph:
The influence of the female character is now felt and acknowledged in all the relations of life. I speak not now of those distinguished women who instruct their age through the public press. Nor of those whose devout strains we take upon our lips when we worship. But of a much larger class, of those whose influence is felt in the relations of neighbor, friend, daughter, wife, mother.
~~~
I very much agree with this paragraph. There are many women in my life that have influenced my life WAY more than famous people. For example, my mom, grandma, and sometimes even my sister. Even throughout history many women have influenced men also, to become gentlemen and respect us. Women, although sometimes put behind the scene, are vital in our world.
The influence of the female character is now felt and acknowledged in all the relations of life. I speak not now of those distinguished women who instruct their age through the public press. Nor of those whose devout strains we take upon our lips when we worship. But of a much larger class, of those whose influence is felt in the relations of neighbor, friend, daughter, wife, mother.
~~~
I very much agree with this paragraph. There are many women in my life that have influenced my life WAY more than famous people. For example, my mom, grandma, and sometimes even my sister. Even throughout history many women have influenced men also, to become gentlemen and respect us. Women, although sometimes put behind the scene, are vital in our world.
Prince of Foxes
Original Paragraph:
And gradually the gold of afternoon turned to the purple of evening. Then, it had become night. But still there was no sound of horses' hoofs in pursuit. There could not be; God would not allow it. At a crossroads he turned and began the long swing north toward Narni.
~~~~I am going to re-do some of the sentences in this paragraph.
And gradually the gold of afternoon turning to the purple of evening, it became night.
There could not be; God, the Supreme Being, would not allow it.
After he reached the crossroads, he turned and began the long swing north toward Narni.
This paragraph is very descriptive and you can really feel what is going on. You can picture the sky and hear the silence.
Adverbial Clause: Blue
Appositive: Yellow
Prepositional Phrases: Red
Absolute: Green
And gradually the gold of afternoon turned to the purple of evening. Then, it had become night. But still there was no sound of horses' hoofs in pursuit. There could not be; God would not allow it. At a crossroads he turned and began the long swing north toward Narni.
~~~~I am going to re-do some of the sentences in this paragraph.
And gradually the gold of afternoon turning to the purple of evening, it became night.
There could not be; God, the Supreme Being, would not allow it.
After he reached the crossroads, he turned and began the long swing north toward Narni.
This paragraph is very descriptive and you can really feel what is going on. You can picture the sky and hear the silence.
Adverbial Clause: Blue
Appositive: Yellow
Prepositional Phrases: Red
Absolute: Green
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Nancy Drew+Hardy Boys Mystery
Original Paragraph:
"Quick! The limo!" Nancy cried out. She, Frank, Joe, and bess al raced to Jean-Claude's limousine. Nancy galnced down Fifth Avenue, hoping to see the van tied up in traffic. But as she looked, the van swerved to theright, leaped onto the curb, and plowed down the sidewalk, scattering pedestrians to either side of it.
~~~~
I really like this paragraph because it really draws you into the story and it is very action-packed. Mysteries like these are very fun to me to read. But they are also very predictable. I always know who is the culprit before the book is over.
"Quick! The limo!" Nancy cried out. She, Frank, Joe, and bess al raced to Jean-Claude's limousine. Nancy galnced down Fifth Avenue, hoping to see the van tied up in traffic. But as she looked, the van swerved to theright, leaped onto the curb, and plowed down the sidewalk, scattering pedestrians to either side of it.
~~~~
I really like this paragraph because it really draws you into the story and it is very action-packed. Mysteries like these are very fun to me to read. But they are also very predictable. I always know who is the culprit before the book is over.
Prince Of Foxes
Original Paragraph:
A long-necked thin man, with a tuft of beard, who had been waiting at the door of the hall, now minced forward, pointing his toes, and obviously relieved at the summons. He executed an elaborate bow in front of the dais and swept the floor with his cap.
"Good Master," said Camilla, "the crowning delight of any feast at Citta del Monte is a sample of your art. Oblige the Magnifico and is with some droll or graceful dance you have invented, such as the one you lately showed us of Madonna Alda and the blackamoor. Prego, maestro mio."
Now I am going to change some of the sentences by adding some clauses:
A long-necked thin man, with a tuft of bear, who had been waiting at the door of the hall, now minced forward, his toes pointed, and obviously relieved at the summons. He executed an elaborate bow in front of the dais while he swept the floor with his cap.
adjectival clause
prepositional phrase
absolute phrase
adverbial clause
I liked the beginning of this paragraph because it is very descriptive. You can really imagine what the guy looked like and how he acted. It sounds like the man could have been worried prior to this scene due to the relief that he is feeling now.
A long-necked thin man, with a tuft of beard, who had been waiting at the door of the hall, now minced forward, pointing his toes, and obviously relieved at the summons. He executed an elaborate bow in front of the dais and swept the floor with his cap.
"Good Master," said Camilla, "the crowning delight of any feast at Citta del Monte is a sample of your art. Oblige the Magnifico and is with some droll or graceful dance you have invented, such as the one you lately showed us of Madonna Alda and the blackamoor. Prego, maestro mio."
Now I am going to change some of the sentences by adding some clauses:
A long-necked thin man, with a tuft of bear, who had been waiting at the door of the hall, now minced forward, his toes pointed, and obviously relieved at the summons. He executed an elaborate bow in front of the dais while he swept the floor with his cap.
adjectival clause
prepositional phrase
absolute phrase
adverbial clause
I liked the beginning of this paragraph because it is very descriptive. You can really imagine what the guy looked like and how he acted. It sounds like the man could have been worried prior to this scene due to the relief that he is feeling now.
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