Original Paragraph:
The next day, about the middle of the morning, I was on my way back from the chicken coop with some fresh eggs, when I heard the dogs start barking. I looked up and saw a white man on a horse coming toward the house, along the wagon road that came from the west.
My heart jumped into my throat and I ran for the house. Katie was inside kneading some bread we'd mixed up earlier.
"There's a man soming, Miss Katie!" I called as I hurried through the kitchen. "Come with me!"
Now I am going to re-write a sentence and comment on the writing.
Katie, who was inside kneading some bread we'd mixed up earlier, was wearing her pink dress.
This is the beginning of a chapter in a book called "Angels watching over me." I think it's a very interesting opener, because you don't know if he is a bad guy or a good guy yet.
Red: Participial Phrase
Blue:Absolute Phrase
Green:Prepositional Phrase
Purple:Adjectival Clause
1 comment:
Katie, the phrase you have marked as participial has no participle in it (morning is a noun, not formed from a verb), and your absolute is not an absolute, either. You probably should review those two sections of Kilgallon.
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