Original Paragraph:
The peacock is the most beautiful bird in the world. Its colors are so rich and various that no human art can make anything like them. When the peacock walks in the sunshine, every movement gives a thousand shades of coloring which are beautiful and ever varying. The tail of this splendid bird is the most beautiful part of its body.
Now I am going to write this with richer detail:
The peacock is the most breathtakingly beautiful bird in the world. Its hues are so rich and various that no human art can make anything like them. When the peacock walks in the bright sunshine light, every movement gives a thousand shades of coloring which are amazing and ever changing. The tail of this splendid bird is the most beautiful part of its body.
1 comment:
Sometimes you can increase the power of a sentence by *removing* words rather than adding them. Read your work aloud to determine whether you are catching good rhythms or whether the prose is becoming weighty. See you soon.
Post a Comment