The Peacock

Original Paragraph:

The peacock is the most beautiful bird in the world. Its colors are so rich and various that no human art can make anything like them. When the peacock walks in the sunshine, every movement gives a thousand shades of coloring which are beautiful and ever varying. The tail of this splendid bird is the most beautiful part of its body.

Now I am going to write this with richer detail:

The peacock is the most breathtakingly beautiful bird in the world. Its hues are so rich and various that no human art can make anything like them. When the peacock walks in the bright sunshine light, every movement gives a thousand shades of coloring which are amazing and ever changing. The tail of this splendid bird is the most beautiful part of its body.

Free Bird-Lynrd skynrd

Original Paragraph:

"Free Bird" is a rock anthem by the American rock band Lynyrd Skynyrd, best known for its lengthy but energetic instrumental section. It was first featured on the band's debut album pronounced 'lĕh-'nérd 'skin-'nérd in 1973, and reached #19 on the U.S. Billboard charts.

It is used as a finale by Lynyrd Skynyrd during their live performances, and it is their longest song.


Now I am going to write my own person opinion of this song:

The beginning of this legend rock ballad is nice and slow, but don't let it fool you, just wait till the middle of the song! It gets faster as it goes on and on and on......until the chilling ten minute guitar solo. All around this is an amazing song.....and if you are a true Lynrd Skynrd fan....you will be in the middle of a parking lot screaming Free Bird!

Anna of Byzantium 2

Original Paragraph:

Here, in the cold convent in the mountains, I often think of that long-ago betrothal feast. No one here cares for much food, and while we eat, there is silence, save for the voice of the lectrix, the nun who reads to us from the Bible. But at my banquet there was rich food of many kinds, and the hall rang with song and laughter and conversation.

Now I am going to do an imitation of this paragraph:

Here, in the hot school room, I often think of the time I spend with my friends. No one here cares much for music, except the bored students. While we are in class, all we hear is the droning on of our teachers. But when I am with my friends, we have tons of fun! We listen to music, play instruments, play games, and just hang out. These are two very different worlds.

A Ship in a Storm

Original Paragraph:

Did you ever go far out upon the great ocean? How beautiful it is to be out at sea when the sea is smooth and still!
However, let a storm approach, and the scene is changed. The heavy black clouds appear in the distance and throw a deep, death-like shade over the world of waters.

Now I am going to re-tell this story with richer detail:

Did you ever go far out upon the amazing ocean? How breathtaking it is to be out at sea when the sea is as smooth and still as glass!
However, let a chilling storm swiftly approach, and the picturesque scene is quickly warped. The dense ebony-black clouds appear in the far distance and throw a deep, death-like pall over this vast world of waters.

On the Street Where you live

Original Paragraph:

He turned onto the boardwalk and felt the full impact of the stinging blast from the ocean. Observing the shifting clouds, he decided it wouldn't be surprising if they had a snow flurry later on, even though tomorrow was the first day of spring. It had been a long winter, and everyone said how much they were looking forward to the warm weather ahead. He wasn't.

Now I am going to do an evaluation of this paragraph:

This paragraph is very descriptive and I really love the first sentence. It really makes me feel like i'm there. It feels like the person who is reading it is in the man's brain; that is awesome!

Anna Of Byzantium

Original Paragraph:

When I woke up this morning, I could see through my window-slit that the winter sky was dark. I dressed in my rough robe and pushed open the door to the long, dim hallway. The stone floor was cold under my bare feet as I walked to the refectory door, where the sisters lined up in their gray habits. We filed in, in silence, as usual, and sat down to a meal of porridge and milk.

Now I am going to do an imitation of this paragraph:

When I woke up this morning, I could see throught my large window that it was still dark and cold outside. I dressed in my blue jeans and my orange t-shirt and pushed open my small door to the stairway. The carpeted stairs were warm against my feet as I walked to the kitchen where my little sister rushed around doing chores. We sat down, at the table, as usual to a meal of cold cocoa pebbles.