Original Paragraph:
Rick Dockery was the third-string quarterback for the Cleveland Browns. In the AFC Championship game against Denver, to the surprise and dismay of virtually everyone, Rick actually got in the game. With a 17-point lead and just minutes to go, Rick provided what was arguably the worst single performance in the history of NFL. Overnight, he became a national laughingstock, and, of course, was immediately cut by the Browns and shunned by all other teams.
Now I am going to do an analysis of this person's writing.
The first sentence is pretty good..but maybe it needs a little more detail. This paragraph tells us a lot of information about Rick and then talks about how his life is going right now. It doesn't really resolve his problem or tell us where he's going, it just leaves us hanging. But in one way that's good, because, considering that this is an inside flap of a book, it's purpose is to get readers interested and want to read more. This paragraph could have a little more detail, but it's actually pretty good the way it is.
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